Journalizing

I have tried journalizing many times and in many different ways. This would be nice to publish and maybe keep up with. Can't be too personal, but then maybe it is safer to post things here than right down on a page to be read by my children. And I pick children because they can be snoopy and I wouldn't want them to read something that may hurt them. I seem to hurt them plenty enough. I think I've come to believe that I have only hurt them and not been a blessing to them. I wanted children, why? I used to know why, now I only know pain. Gosh, I do miss them from infancy. And now that I have a grandson that I'm not able to love or be a part of his life, that is painful. The reason Abba? I'll sit and wait upon You to answer that. I cannot phantom the reasons for unforgiveness my daughter has towards me. Well, he's a doll anyway. And he still is a part of me no matter how much she tries to protect him from me. God bless him.